Meadowside Village

by Admin

Comments:


In order to understand what these criteria are, please read marking criteria and linkers.

Task Response:

- Task 1 needs 150 words. Although you have achieved it, 240 words are just too many for this task.

- You have spotted the details in the illustration that made up your introduction, however you were not able to say it the way it should be. Why? You said, “from 1962, through 1985 to the present date”. But looking at the graph, the development was not continuous; it was in three stages-continued after the other

- In the body, you said, “upgraded the quality of life of the village people”. The same has been said in the introduction. To wit: “improved its living standard with time”.

There are no facts at all that confirm your assumption. When interpreting a graphical representation, you only consider what is seen on the graph.

- The illustration doesn’t say at all that Fonton is a city; it can be a town.

Coherence and cohesion:

- This is where you scored best. You were able to utilise the right linkers/signals like however, moreover, in 1962, With the continuous development of the village and the likes. These made your paragraphs coherent and cohesive.

Lexical Resource:

- This another part where you did well. You have powerful words such as: noteworthy, upgraded, emerged, strategic, conspicuous, significantly and others. These clearly show your range of vocabulary. However, there is one area here that you need to avoid, that is too much repetition of words; use synonyms instead. The word facilities was mentioned 3x when this can be substituted with amenities.

- Try to use some skills in word substitution. In the edited version, I used "twenty three years after" instead of saying 1985 (1985-1962=23). This adds points to your work.

- Choice of word: state is not the same as estate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

- There are few lapses in the use and consistency of voice like: “it developed a number of facilities” (active voice) instead of A number of facilities were developed (passive voice) giving emphasis to the subject. Please take note that passive voice is mormally the right voice to use in IELTS writing.

- Consistency of tense and parallelism: “the village has developed its facilities and improved its living standard with time.” To make it consistent and parallel, you should say: the village developed its facilities and improved its living standard with time. Both verbs are now parallel and therefore consistent with the tense you use in the entire essay.

- Some punctuation errors. You punctuated some sentences at the wrong place.

- Preposition: The use of with in your essay implies relationship of ideas instead of space relationship. Preposition "to" should have been used.

- But overall, not so bad at all.


____________________


Original and Edited Versions

Note: The words/phrases in bold are those which will be deleted or changed.

________________


The illustration portrays the progression of Meadowside village into a suburb from 1962, through 1985 to the present date. and it clearly shows how the village has developed its facilities and improved its living standard with time.

In 1962, it was a small village with very little infrastructure, even there were no direct road connection with the city, Fonton, by road. The only noteworthy construction was a wide road crossing the village from west to north. However, by the year 1985, it developed a number of facilities, like a leisure complex, a housing state and a supermarket beside a main road and these facilities, altogether, upgraded the quality of life of the village people. Moreover, a new branch of the old main road was built towards east which connected the village with Fonton city and it significantly improved the communication and transport and also open a new opportunity of further expanding the village area.

With the continued development the village, it has now emerged as a suburb. A rail station was established further improving the communication with the city. A business park is constructed in a very strategic position, beside the main road and very distant from rail station. Near the rail station, a hotel is also founded.

Altogether, the conspicuous advancement of Meadowside village with a number of new establishments has added lots value not only to its economy and communication but also raised the society to a new standard.


__________________


Edited Version

The illustration portrays the progression of Meadowside village into a suburb that happened in three stages-in 1962, 1985, and the present.

In 1962, it was a small village with very little infrastructure, and with no direct road connection to the city of Fonton. The only noteworthy construction was a road crossing the village from east to north. However, twenty years after, a number of facilities like a leisure complex, a housing estate and a supermarket were erected. Moreover, a new road that connected the village to Fonton city was built.

With the continuous development of the village, it has now emerged as a suburb. Aside from those amenities put up in 1985, there is now a rail station and a hotel near it. There is also a business park which was constructed in a very strategic position just beside the main road.

Altogether, the conspicuous advancement of Meadowside village added lots of value to its economy that raised the society to new heights.



Word count: 165





Comments for Meadowside Village

Average Rating starstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 19, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstar
Something to note
by: Anonymous

- The illustration doesn�t say at all that Fonton is a city; it can be a town.

I hope you were looking at the original test when you made this comment because my copy clearly states;

The diagrams below show how an area called Meadowside developed from a village into a suburb of the CITY of Fonton.

I hope you can pass this on to the author of the original peace of writing.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Free Proofreading.